Addressing child anxiety: Discourage a ‘pattern of avoidance’

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Absenteeism and anxiety are rising rapidly. A psychologist discusses the need to train kids to face anxiety, rather than accommodate it

ANXIETY IN children has skyrocketed over the last decade. It’s been a significant concern since well before 2020, and the COVID-19 pandemic and Australian bushfires have done nothing to ease the trend. According to Australian Catholic University research, 93% of school leaders say anxiety in children is the biggest concern they have for their students. They also note that anxiety is having a major impact on school absenteeism in children as young as six. How do we combat this, and what role do parents play? Michael Hawton, registered Australian psychologist and trained teacher, says significant adults will too often accommodate a child’s anxiety rather than encouraging them to face up to life’s normal stresses. This results in well-intentioned parents inadvertently making the problem worse, particularly when they allow a pattern of avoidance to develop.

Australia’s leading child, teen and adult behaviour-change and childhood anxiety specialist, Parentshop provides engaging, action-based professional development and training events that deliver effective behaviour-change and child anxiety solutions for all ages. Parentshop’s training is for the people who look after children of all ages, and who want to be catalysts for effective change for the new generation.

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“Parents should recognise that in a loving and caring relationship, having that little bit of distress around a normal challenge isn’t going to harm [their child]”

Michael Hawton, registered psychologist

“Absenteeism is becoming quite a big issue in Australia, and it’s been increasing over a period of time,” Hawton tells The Educator. “I think any anxious child is going to pull on the heartstrings of mum and dad, and it can be tricky for parents who want to be kind and caring. I think absenteeism is really a parenting issue, and once you get into the pattern of allowing your child to stay home, parents can find themselves in a difficult situation as the habit becomes more entrenched.” Hawton notes that with widespread lockdowns, COVID-19 may well have set the scene for a lot more kids to stay home. It’s also understandable that parents didn’t want to be too hard on their kids during that time. However, ‘getting back to normal’ should mean setting normal expectations around going to school, even in the face of some anxiety. He says the gold standard in parenting is ‘warm and firm’, though parents are increasingly finding it quite hard to be firm and set reasonable expectations for their children.

If a child resists going to school, what should parents do? Hawton says the first step is to draw a clear line in the sand: “I go to work, and you go to school. Unless you’re really sick, that’s the deal.”

He says parents need to have high expectations of their children in this sense, and to emphasise that going to school is a normal thing. They can also acknowledge that it’s difficult sometimes, and there will be days when they don’t feel completely confident – and that’s OK. However, the answer is not to avoid doing the thing you need to do. “We know that the benefits of going to school are really significant,” Hawton says. “Kids learn a lot about social relationships, getting on with people, and all of the things that go along with that. Emphasising the benefits while setting expectations can be really effective.”

In partnership with Parentshop, Hawton has worked with the NSW Primary Principals’ Association to train teachers to handle anxious moments in the classroom. This involves engaging in ‘serve and return’ conversations with students, and the whole-of-school approach means the training filters down from school leaders to implementation coaches, to teachers, to parents. “Part of the teacher training is about helping them to respond and giving them effective strategies based on cognitive behavioural therapy [CBT], and this teaches them to help children to face problems constructively,” Hawton says.

Avoiding avoidance: How to prevent a pattern from developing

Published 07 Aug 2023

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“Part of the teacher training is about giving them effective strategies based on cognitive behavioural therapy, and this teaches them to help children to face problems constructively”

Michael Hawton, registered psychologist

For teachers, handling moments of anxiety in class can be a challenging task. Hawton notes that many teachers can lack the confidence to identify and manage anxiety when they see it, and this is where effective training becomes important.

Handling anxiety in the classroom

“Parents should recognise that in a loving and caring relationship, having that little bit of distress around a normal challenge isn’t going to harm them,” he says. “You’re not being mean by expecting that your children will face up to life’s stresses, and if kids don’t get practice, they simply won’t learn to do that independently.”

“Psychologists have been developing tools over the last 20 to 30 years which are aimed at treating anxiety after it’s become a problem, but CBT can also be used as an early intervention tool. Parent-Led CBT for Child Anxiety is a great book to refer to, and it can apply to teachers just as much as parents.” Hawton notes that training ‘significant adults’ on how to respond to anxiety can help kids develop mental strength and resilience skills. As opposed to something that is developed naturally, he says resilience is more of a set of strategies to overcome difficult events. If you provide children with the right knowledge and scaffolding, you can help them get better at managing their problems without relying on avoidant behaviours.

You can do this during ‘hot’ moments when a child comes to you with some anxiety, and also ‘cold’ moments when you learn about anxiety and the brain, as well as self-calming techniques, during your lessons. “Teachers already provide really good scaffolding to help children solve non-emotional problems – how to put a flyer together, how to draw a butterfly, etc,” Hawton says. “All of those skills can be translated into emotional problem-solving skills, and so giving teachers the equipment and strategies that enable children to face life’s normal challenges is a really good step.” If anxiety is an issue in your high school, Resilience in Our Teens is a whole-school community project to help you manage and reduce anxiety. Click here to be part of the project. To take part in an NSW statewide program to reduce anxiety in your primary school with The Anxiety Project, click here.

Source: Australian Catholic University

Child anxiety in schools

93%

72%

of school leaders say anxiety in children is their most significant concern

of school leaders say school refusal is a significant concern

Source: Black Dog Institute

Childhood anxiety in Australia

Approximately 13.6% of children aged 4–11 have a mental illness, with anxiety and ADHD the most common

Only half of children aged 4–11 years old with a mental illness receive adequate support

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